One time I was in the councilors office
Looking at scholarships
When I became aware
Of all the awards
For athletes and minorities
But nothing for me
So, I exclaimed
There should be grants for the gays

The councilor overheard what she thought were slurs
And said, stop being homophobic

Scene
Councilor: So, do you understand why we pulled you out of the hallway today
Martin: yes
Councilor: Teenage suicide has become a huge issue and we don’t want you in the hallways crying
Martin: okay
Councilor: So, can you please explain to me what’s wrong
Martin 1: I just don’t know what to do with my life, I’m so scared to become an adult and get a real job. I don’t even know what a real job is. I have no useful skills and I’m just so scared.
Martin 2: I’m just so confused about my sexuality and my family won’t support me. I feel so alone and confused and I feel like if I go public I will become a pariah and I don’t want that.
Martin 3: My girlfriend is so mean to me. She constantly tells me that she doesn’t need me and that she could do better with someone else and I’m just so frustrated because without her I’m nothing.
Martin 4: I keep hearing a voice calling to me even though no one is there. It happens more often when I’m stressed or nervous. I’m worried I’m going crazy.

All the alt-right weed pamphlets
All the gender manifestos
All the university course catalogs
All the propaganda you could ever need
And yet there’s nothing to read

We’re so progressive (yah!)
Let’s pat ourselves on the back
Look at us west coast left wing
Our kids are safe and we’re oh so glad
We’re so progressive (yah!)
Let’s pat ourselves on the back
Look at us west coast left wing
Our kids are safe (in safes) and we’re oh so glad (so sad)